Leaving

The manager at work had to leave work today to check on my friend, we'll call him John, who has called off the last couple days.

The doctor's office tried to call his house, and he wouldn't pick up.

John told me he had been vomiting up blood last week, and the last day I saw him at work he was acting really strange. I thought he was either drunk or he was about to have a heart attack.

So, when my manager told me this kind of hurriedly when I walked in the store, it seemed logically and unfortunately grim. It wouldn't have surprised me if he would have walked in and found him dead on the couch.

The good news, I suppose, is that John is still alive. The manager said he looked really bad, and thats about all I got to talk about it with him. The whole thing is so complicated, though.

I mean, John is an alcoholic and he knows it. He stipulates that he doesn't need the booze--he just likes how it relaxes him. He insists "I'm not on a liquid diet; I take care of myself." But I watch him purchase alcohol regularly after work. Four o' clock and its time for some Old Milwaukee. If he's having a particularly rough day, he'll playfully say "I'm going to go home and have a beeo."

Beeo. John has one of the most pronounced speech impediments I have ever encountered. He was abused as a child. He is not mentally retarded, but I think he does have a learning disability. Employees jokingly call him "mo-on," but he fights right back.

John bears some deep wounds. Although his hatred for his father died along with the man, I think that memories are seared into his psyche. One time, he recounted to me how his father kicked him in the stomach with his boot.

I think John grew up feeling unwanted.

Then, in the midst of a relationship with someone who did want him, his girlfriend died. I don't know her name, and I have never asked. He does have a tatoo on his forearm that says "Judy." It looks like a five-year old made it.

And now its work.drink.work.drink.work.drink.

John has a joke that he uses to console those at the store who hate their job. He says "I'm here eight hours and then I leave. I'm here eight hours and then I leave. I'm here eight hours and then I leave."

I think the part he leaves out is what happens when he leaves.

And it is very easy to point a finger at John. He has chosen to gorge himself with alcohol, and he is very selfish. He is an adult man, and he should be more responsible.

Yet there is something very innocent about John that still remains, although I think his father killed him in many ways during his childhood and that the alcohol is just another step.

At this point, I don't know how to approach the situation, but I am happy that he is alive.

I don't think he is living as he could, and I am going to need to think about how to approach him as a friend.

Please pray for him.

Communion

Tonight, as I was chatting with a friend, I mentioned that at the end of the day all people really want is someone to listen to them; I felt quite the ideological thief: sorry Coldplay. ("Square One"--you want someone listening to what you say /it doesn't matter who you are) It is so amazing to me that humans, of all different sorts, long for one simple thing: communion. Connection with some person, some God, whatever...It is not enough to be alone.

Which I am going to take up with my employer, who sets me loose on a shiny grocery store floor by myself for most the day...

That said...I just think that this is an epiphany of sorts. And its one of those things that sounds realy cheesy when someone else says it, but seems very meaningful to you when you actually think it through.

But the other thing that interests me is that I think humans long, at their core, for spiritual communion, for purpose and unconditional love.

Our hearts are restless until they find their rest in Thee...

Clock Out

Well, I have four days off.

And I get to see ma'lady all four days.

It was great to tune in, turn on, and clock out of Kroger into an alternate reality known as life with those I love for the weekend.

07/04/08
07:00 PM

Oh yeah.

God is God

Recently, I have become uncomfortable when thinking about some ideas about God, but most uncomfortable when thinking about God in a box.

I suppose when you go to a Christian college, you are encouraged to try to understand as much as possible about God, to be studious and all...

But I guess when it comes down to it, you realize maybe God wasn't as tame as you thought he was. Maybe he was even more loving.

Maybe you ought to be trembling more, in light of his power--and mostly because of his love.

My current goal is to follow in the footsteps of Moses and all the other great biblical characters.

It seems like they were the ones who were brave/stupid (not really) enough to get as close to God as possible...It left Moses face shining, but he survived....

I want to do that...to try to get to know God as much as possible...

I've got some huge questions right now, but I'm going to lean in and take off my sandals...